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This is a very personal piece with a lot of symbolism and stuff, and I'm going to do my best to explain it to you.WARNING: LONG READ AHEAD
This is a self portrait of sorts. I looked like this throughout 2009 and the beginning of 2010... when my life and family changed dramatically, and when I fought the worst of my depression.
I often visualise my thoughts and emotions...it's how my brain works. My mind's eye creates vivid pictures of how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a gesture, or a combination of colours, or...a dance, or something like that.
A visualisation that occurred during some of my worst moments was two fighting wolves...one black, and one white. The black wolf was the incarnation of evil, sorrow, doom, death, and all that... while the white one represented me,
or...who I wanted to be. Who I knew I was supposed to be.
They fought inside my head, brutally ripping each other apart, out of my control. Sometimes it literally felt as though the inner walls of my skull were being teared at, with claws. Yes... it was physically painful for me when the wolves were fighting.
The face at the center - or faces, rather - is also me. I wear a mask, because I felt that nobody knew what was happening to me on the inside. That nobody knew how much pain I was in. Not only that, but they couldn't
know, or possibly understand it.
I remember looking at my face in the mirror of my dorm room one day, and being shocked at how horribly angry and exhausted I looked. It was difficult for me to raise my eyebrows into a normal, relaxed position...XD My face was fixed into a permanent scowl- like the face in the center.
That face in the center is the face I wore most often. And well, the faces on either side of it represent more private feelings... volatile emotions, uncertainties, and fears.
The meaning of the halo is more difficult to describe. I remember feeling like a martyr of sorts...that I had been betrayed and lied to. Yet at the same time, I always felt deep down that I deserved it all. Maybe that's why the halo is all rusted and...spiky, like thorns. Perhaps it is a mockery. I don't really know.
I started this drawing last fall and then left it alone for a long, looong time. I planned on finishing it eventually....but honestly, I didn't feel good when I looked at it. And that's why it took me so long to return to it and complete it.
I'm feeling much better now, better than I have in years. I have peace of mind and fantastic meds XD I can look back on my life rationally and not break down every time I remember something I'd rather forget. So yeah... completing this picture tonight wasn't a challenge for me. But I'm happy to be done with it after nearly a year.
... TL;DR: It's about fighting depression.
Anyway, I'm heading to bed now! See you guys later EDIT:
A DAILY DEVIATION. *___* Whaaaa, ok wow XD I don't even know what to say... this is unexpected, to say the least XDD I was wondering why so many messages were flooding in all of the sudden! , you're the best!! Thank you, and thank you all for the favourites and watches and stuff Ahhhh now I'm REALLY self-conscious, ohhh man! XD