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July 13, 2011
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:iconeccentriking:
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This is a very personal piece with a lot of symbolism and stuff, and I'm going to do my best to explain it to you.

WARNING: LONG READ AHEAD
This is a self portrait of sorts. I looked like this throughout 2009 and the beginning of 2010... when my life and family changed dramatically, and when I fought the worst of my depression.

I often visualise my thoughts and emotions...it's how my brain works. My mind's eye creates vivid pictures of how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a gesture, or a combination of colours, or...a dance, or something like that.

A visualisation that occurred during some of my worst moments was two fighting wolves...one black, and one white. The black wolf was the incarnation of evil, sorrow, doom, death, and all that... while the white one represented me, or...who I wanted to be. Who I knew I was supposed to be.

They fought inside my head, brutally ripping each other apart, out of my control. Sometimes it literally felt as though the inner walls of my skull were being teared at, with claws. Yes... it was physically painful for me when the wolves were fighting.

The face at the center - or faces, rather - is also me. I wear a mask, because I felt that nobody knew what was happening to me on the inside. That nobody knew how much pain I was in. Not only that, but they couldn't know, or possibly understand it.

I remember looking at my face in the mirror of my dorm room one day, and being shocked at how horribly angry and exhausted I looked. It was difficult for me to raise my eyebrows into a normal, relaxed position...XD My face was fixed into a permanent scowl- like the face in the center.

That face in the center is the face I wore most often. And well, the faces on either side of it represent more private feelings... volatile emotions, uncertainties, and fears.

The meaning of the halo is more difficult to describe. I remember feeling like a martyr of sorts...that I had been betrayed and lied to. Yet at the same time, I always felt deep down that I deserved it all. Maybe that's why the halo is all rusted and...spiky, like thorns. Perhaps it is a mockery. I don't really know.

I started this drawing last fall and then left it alone for a long, looong time. I planned on finishing it eventually....but honestly, I didn't feel good when I looked at it. And that's why it took me so long to return to it and complete it.

I'm feeling much better now, better than I have in years. I have peace of mind and fantastic meds XD I can look back on my life rationally and not break down every time I remember something I'd rather forget. So yeah... completing this picture tonight wasn't a challenge for me. But I'm happy to be done with it after nearly a year.

... TL;DR: It's about fighting depression.

Anyway, I'm heading to bed now! See you guys later :)

EDIT:
A DAILY DEVIATION. *___* Whaaaa, ok wow XD I don't even know what to say... this is unexpected, to say the least XDD I was wondering why so many messages were flooding in all of the sudden! :iconchaoticinsanity13:, you're the best!! Thank you, and thank you all for the favourites and watches and stuff^^; Ahhhh now I'm REALLY self-conscious, ohhh man! XD
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-06-30
"A fight is going on inside me, between two wolves. One is evil, the other is good. The same fight is going on inside you."
"Which wolf will win?"
"The one you feed."

–TRADITIONAL CHEROKEE LEGEND
Inner War; mixed media from ~JipushiPhantasm33. ( Suggested by ~ChaoticInsanity13 and Featured by `SRaffa )
love 11 11 joy 6 6 wow 6 6 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
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:iconlostgryphin:
Mood: Love *LostGryphin Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
wow - just wow! The colors and textures are well done - and I love your explaination behind the artwork - it makes it more emotional.
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:iconeccentriking:
Thank you so much for the comment, it means a lot to me that you felt such a strong connection! I love it when my work has personal impacts on people, not only because it an help them, but also because it means that I myself am not alone :') As for the tattoo, go for it!! I would love for you to be able to do that. It would be an honour! :D

On the subject of meds, I really don't want to give advice where it isn't wanted. But please just be wary of popular prescription medications, because they usually only mask the symptoms temporarily rather than targeting the underlying physical causes. I take 5HTP and Saint Johns Wort, natural mood/depression supplements, and I get them from a health food store. They have helped me immensely and I highly recommend them :)

At any rate, I really hope you start feeling better soon. Stay strong <3 And let me know about that tattoo when you get it!
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:icondecuss:
Wow, the piece itself is beautiful but your story is what really drove home the favorite. The symbolism is so evident and I had a struggle like yours before, I even had that scowl you described lol. But my war is over I decided i'd happier with the dark wolf in the shadows that's who I really am, i'm much happier now XD. Beutiful story, great piece, I was listening to Not Afriad by Eminem when I saw this so the message was even deeper. Good job :) I love it.
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:icongothidgaf:
Mood: Love ~gothidgaf Jun 30, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
You will win your war with depression. Just believe in yourself again. I have always loved the wolf story. I'm part Choctaw, which is random to mention, I know.

Anyway, Feeding the good wolf does feel so much better, doesn't it?

Epic work of art. It caught my eye mmediately.
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:iconclare-dragonfly:
That is really beautiful.
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:iconidrewacow:
Mood: Love ~IdrewAcow Jun 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Amazing!!!
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:iconvalorie13:
Congrats on the DD and fighting your way through the depression. It is not an easy thing to deal with.

I'm glad you are feeling better and that you were able to face it to the point of creating this wonderful piece of art. Hopefully this will be an inspiration to others who may be facing the same (or similar) struggles.
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:iconarizaroc:
Mood: Love ~Arizaroc Jun 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I like.....no wait i LOVE it! i can feel the Art you made and must hand it to you, you got it down very well. The way you made it is as you wrote, Alot of symbolism and stuff, and i think some agree when they see this art is that it has a Tarot Card Feeling to it, So thats what i have to Say/type and dont let your creativity fail you. // Ari'Zaroc.
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:iconzaloffshat:
Wow! I love the character's mask and the wolves! Amazing!
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:iconellenmarie1708:
You're welcome :) and well done again I love the picture :heart:
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