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July 13, 2011
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:iconeccentriking:
Looks best in fullview.

This is a very personal piece with a lot of symbolism and stuff, and I'm going to do my best to explain it to you.

WARNING: LONG READ AHEAD
This is a self portrait of sorts. I looked like this throughout 2009 and the beginning of 2010... when my life and family changed dramatically, and when I fought the worst of my depression.

I often visualise my thoughts and emotions...it's how my brain works. My mind's eye creates vivid pictures of how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a gesture, or a combination of colours, or...a dance, or something like that.

A visualisation that occurred during some of my worst moments was two fighting wolves...one black, and one white. The black wolf was the incarnation of evil, sorrow, doom, death, and all that... while the white one represented me, or...who I wanted to be. Who I knew I was supposed to be.

They fought inside my head, brutally ripping each other apart, out of my control. Sometimes it literally felt as though the inner walls of my skull were being teared at, with claws. Yes... it was physically painful for me when the wolves were fighting.

The face at the center - or faces, rather - is also me. I wear a mask, because I felt that nobody knew what was happening to me on the inside. That nobody knew how much pain I was in. Not only that, but they couldn't know, or possibly understand it.

I remember looking at my face in the mirror of my dorm room one day, and being shocked at how horribly angry and exhausted I looked. It was difficult for me to raise my eyebrows into a normal, relaxed position...XD My face was fixed into a permanent scowl- like the face in the center.

That face in the center is the face I wore most often. And well, the faces on either side of it represent more private feelings... volatile emotions, uncertainties, and fears.

The meaning of the halo is more difficult to describe. I remember feeling like a martyr of sorts...that I had been betrayed and lied to. Yet at the same time, I always felt deep down that I deserved it all. Maybe that's why the halo is all rusted and...spiky, like thorns. Perhaps it is a mockery. I don't really know.

I started this drawing last fall and then left it alone for a long, looong time. I planned on finishing it eventually....but honestly, I didn't feel good when I looked at it. And that's why it took me so long to return to it and complete it.

I'm feeling much better now, better than I have in years. I have peace of mind and fantastic meds XD I can look back on my life rationally and not break down every time I remember something I'd rather forget. So yeah... completing this picture tonight wasn't a challenge for me. But I'm happy to be done with it after nearly a year.

... TL;DR: It's about fighting depression.

Anyway, I'm heading to bed now! See you guys later :)

EDIT:
A DAILY DEVIATION. *___* Whaaaa, ok wow XD I don't even know what to say... this is unexpected, to say the least XDD I was wondering why so many messages were flooding in all of the sudden! :iconchaoticinsanity13:, you're the best!! Thank you, and thank you all for the favourites and watches and stuff^^; Ahhhh now I'm REALLY self-conscious, ohhh man! XD
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-06-30
"A fight is going on inside me, between two wolves. One is evil, the other is good. The same fight is going on inside you."
"Which wolf will win?"
"The one you feed."

–TRADITIONAL CHEROKEE LEGEND
Inner War; mixed media from ~JipushiPhantasm33. ( Suggested by ~ChaoticInsanity13 and Featured by `SRaffa )
love 11 11 joy 6 6 wow 6 6 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconkangeetheonyxfox:
Mood: Wow! ~KangeeTheOnyxFox Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
looks a little similar to a pic I was doing for myself using two of my own characters. It's based off a native american saying. Wondering if you heard it and may have given an idea on what to draw. If not, I think it suits it still pretty spot on.
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:iconcrowsreign:
*CrowsReign Sep 25, 2012  Professional Photographer
Your amazing work is featured here [link] !!!Please :+fav: the article so more people can see it!!!!!:blowkiss:
Reply
:icontarnisis:
~Tarnisis Sep 6, 2012  Student Writer
Holy cow! :wow: This is amazing! I love the wolves fighting in the background. You are a very talented artist! :heart:
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:iconeccentriking:
Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:icontarnisis:
~Tarnisis Sep 6, 2012  Student Writer
It was my pleasure! :D
Reply
:iconmysteriouswhitewolf:
~mysteriouswhitewolf Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow, im not as good as you yet but my brain works similarly, whenever i feel any emotion i can see it visually/symbolically inside my minds eye. I too have pictured inner consciousness as a wolf tearing at the
physical walls of my mind, and fighting with a darker deity inside. I usually record these events in my
sketchbook diarie's that only i thought i could understand due to all the symbolism, its really wonderful to
see im not the only one who does these things. Its weird that i feel like i know you alittle bit
because we use a similar symbolic language/thought process.

The fact that this got a daily deviation gives me hope that im on the right track art wise.
Not where you are yet, this was so well executed, but this is where i could be art-wise in the future.
Thank you for sharing. :)
Reply
:iconxxmoemoexx:
~xXMoeMoeXx Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
O.O woah. i love the wolves viciousnes. thats amazing that this is done in pencil
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:iconhalcyonshores:
Mood: Joy *halcyonshores Jul 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sincerest congrats to you :nod: :clap:
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
Mood: Love *LostGryphin Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
wow - just wow! The colors and textures are well done - and I love your explaination behind the artwork - it makes it more emotional.
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:iconichigoneko1997:
AMAZING!!!!!!! And plenty of people can relate to it- You totally deserved that DD :D
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